Tangent: I’ve been going to school for a long time. Sunday School, Pre-School, Elementary to Jr High, High School. Received my BA in college and my MS in grad school. This 101 course I’m taking is by far the hardest and most anxiety ridden. I am 27 and this professor legitimately scares the shit out of me. I have never wished to disappear more or not be called on in my life. I have seen this man chew out his students and spit them out again. And it’s only the 2nd class.
So...
I needed this black marble composition notebook because apparently spiral isn’t good enough.
I don’t normally go into Kmart but I passed it on the way home from Zumba and because I needed it the next day I stopped. This was the 1st mistake.
It was 830ish not too late, and there was a dozen or so cars outside. I get out and go in. 2nd mistake.
I’m not in a hurry and not used to the setup of Kmart I start to do a perimeter check. It’s the beginning of the school year I assume there would be sale on school supplies somewhere.
But I get distracted. 3rd mistake
They must have just put out all their Halloween costumes and decorations because not only is everything out but everything is neat and looks great. No costumes on the floor, no children trying out all the noise makers. So I meander seriously considering getting a fog machine or a mini-strobe light.
I didn’t realize how alone I was until out of nowhere an employee taps me on the shoulder asking ‘Can I help you.”
“Um no” I say recovering from her materializing in front of me. “Just looking. “
And she disappears just as fast.
I make it through the graveyard and giant blowup spider and see the school sale sign I knew would be there. And in an alcove of the store (where the summer plant things would have been) I see the cardboard bins of pencils and erasers. And just beyond the bins are two rows of note books.
As I approach I notice in my peripheral that there are other shoppers about. I think nothing of this. It’s a store. There should be people, So I think nothing more of this. 4rd mistake.
From puppies, doggies and kitties, to comic book heroes, and I Heart Edward notebooks (all spiral) I see what I have come for: The black composition.
But there’s only one. And it’s bent and completely ruined. It would not at all past the standards of sed professor. I hold on to it however just in case.
I look up to see if I can find another. For – unlike the Halloween section- the school sale was completely picked over and unorganized.
And as I look up I see that the three people I barely noticed on my way in are looking at me. No. Not just looking at me. Completely stopped, feet planted in the ground, STARRING at me. And when I catch one women’s eye they all turn their attention elsewhere. The women continue a conversation and the man who is further away from them examines the bin of pens. But it was simultaneous. It was a Truman show moment, like they were waiting for a cue to start acting and confirming all my paranoid suspicions that people are watching me. I shake the feeling and round the shelf to look in the next row to find the now elusive unblemished composition notebook. I hold on to the marred one like a knights shield from the creepers. None to be found I go back to where I found the original determined to find another where I again look up at the people who are back to staring at me. I look away VERY uncomfortable. I look quickly back a third time to find them still staring. I now notice that the man is an employee by the blue shirt and name tag he wears. Because I find them staring and this time they don’t look away I confront them “I’m sorry is the store closing, are you waiting for me?” One of the women say something that sounds like “no speak englais” in what sounds like an American accent. And the Kmart worker whom I had actually addressed the questioned continued to stare blank faced and slack jawed. Creeped out beyond belief I frantically search for the blasted notebook wanting to leave but unable to do so empty handed. Still with no luck I go to leave but am now approached by other employee who stops uncomfortably close to me and pops a pose like she’s at the end of the runway hand on her hip and does a full handed point to me stating “It’ll be $49.99” Still holding the damaged notebook I looked confused “uhhh” I managed to get out. “It’ll be 49.99.” She repeats. “Each”
I don’t know what to do I literally am at a loss for words. I physically am unable to string together a sentence. I manage to start mumbling “Uh Uh ummm....I think-” “Oh that's for us” states one of the women. (can’t speak english my ass) The employee apologies and I take off.
I was too rattled and then amused by the whole situation to be offended that I was confused with women who were a good 30 years older than I was and 50 lbs heavier.
On my escape route I see another display at the front of the store of notebooks.
Composition notebooks.
Mission accomplished.
This Side, The Other Side, and My Side.
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