The absurdities of life after college. Observations, Fun Facts, Notes, and Tips for living an awesome life. So here's to never a dull moment and never growing up.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Tracey's Triangle: on a scale from fruit to a whole carton of icecream
When you ask me how my day was and I say I'm eating cookies with frosting on it...
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Convo Convoy: Rolling in the Deep
AliciaZumba: [on learning a new routine at Zumba] I can't body roll, I HAVE body rolls.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Tracey's Triangle: Tapioca - That's a fun word
What is it with old people and tapioca pudding?
Just sayin'
Just sayin'
This Side, That Side, and My Side.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Bob Wehadababyitsaboy: Jenna Louise Colman
If Christina Ricci,
Nina Dobrev
and Danica McKellar
had a three way in England and made a baby,
it would be Jenna Louise Colman
Nina Dobrev
and Danica McKellar
had a three way in England and made a baby,
it would be Jenna Louise Colman
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Convo Convoy: Chicken
While at work...
Danni: I think I am going to go to BJ's ot get a chicken after work, want to come?
Tracey: yes.
Danni: I think I am going to go to BJ's ot get a chicken after work, want to come?
Tracey: yes.
Danni: woooo
Tracey: that's in framingham right
Danni: no. Hudson
Tracey: oh ok
Danni: we can go to framingham but that seems like a long way for chicken
Tracey: lol that sounds like an album title Imagine Dragons: A Long Way for Chicken
Danni: That's it! We'll make an album and that's the title.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Tracey's Triangle: Commonwealth Courtesy
Alright Massholes, listen up, new rule: If I am already halfway out of my parking spot I have the right of away. You can't speed down the parking lot, blare your horn, and look at me like I just almost hit you. If I am already this much out of my space you couldn't have even turned into this row yet. Besides, if you stopped and let me out you could of had this awesome spot I'm leaving.
Wrong Way, The Right of Way, and My Way.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Tracey's Triangle- I Scream
I saw a ice cream truck broken down on the side of the highway today.
Maniacal plans are afoot I can feel it.
The Hot Side, The Cold Side, and My Side.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Tracey's Triangle: It's all Fun and Games until you owe someone a lot of money
Gone are the days that you could innocently push someone into a pool and not risk ruining their thousand dollar phone.
The Dry Side, The Damp Side, and My Side
Friday, July 26, 2013
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Tracey's Triangle: If you are calling from a rotary dial phone please stay on the line
"Please listen closely to the following menus, as our options have changed."
I am highly skeptical of this phrase. Apparently other people are as well.
What "Our Menu Options Have Changed" Really Means
by Marcel Gagne
It seems that every time I call a company these days, the first thing I hear when the line is picked up are the following words.
"Thank you for calling Our Big Megacorporation. Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed."
Feel free to substitute "Our Big Megacorporation" for any business name you please. For the sake of this discussion, it's pretty much all the same.
I don't know about you, but I find it hard to believe that the menu options on the automated phone trees of every company on this planet has recently changed. In all likelihood, some companies are using the same menu they've been using for quite a while with few, if any, changes. This must be true unless, of course, there is only one automated response company in the world and they supply only one message for every company on the planet. Again, that seems unlikely. So why then, if it's impossible for every automated answering system's menu to have recently changed are we being told this over and over again. After a great deal of thought, maybe as much as five minutes, I think I've nailed it.
What the message actually means is, "Listen you stupid caller. We know that you think you're clever and that you remember every damned company's phone tree. You hitting the wrong number means that you're going to disturb one or our people with requests to be transferred to somebody who doesn't even work here and frankly, we'd rather than them not be disturbed by losers like you." That's one version.
Here's the second. "Dear halfwit caller. We don't enjoy being bothered by people like you so we've created this complex menuing system which, while it hasn't been updated in years, claims it does because we're on the other end placing bets as to how long you're willing to continue pushing buttons before hanging up in frustration." And we hate your little dog, too.
A third scenario. "Hey moronic caller, don't you dare push zero to reach an operator. Besides, the operator does pretty much all the work at this company, including answering the phone and we need her to fetch coffee right about now. If you listen to the menu, there's a 50/50 chance you can reach the answering machine of somebody who doesn't work nearly as hard as the receptionist."
And this forth, also highly plausible, scenario. "Dear caller. We spent so much money on this phone system that we never bothered changing the default message that says our menu options may have changed. Since we don't know how, claiming that our menu options have changed makes us sound important and very much the company on the move while making sure we never have to learn this damned menu system."
There may be other meanings associated with the "our menu options have changed" message, but I think I've pretty much got it.
What do you think?
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Things that Need to be Shared: Fourth Coming
Happy Fourth of July
Love your Trusty Neighborhood Tenants at Casa de Awesome,
ODanniGirl, traceYevidence, and Cleo.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Urban Artwork: High Five
The artists love a devotion is clearly shown for their cable and telephone provider. The placement of the hand and fingers blatantly says:
"Thank you for 264 channels of TV goodness and crystal clear calls. I appreciate you!"
Magnificent.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Convo Convoy: Murphy's Conundrum
Danni: Murphy's Law. That's 'what goes up must come down', right?
Tracey: No that's gravity. Newton's Law.
Tracey: No that's gravity. Newton's Law.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Commercial Success: Boom
Casa de Awesome Love our Commercials. They are quoted as much if not more often them movies.
Game Day Bucket Go Boom.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Things that need to be shared: Arnold you got hot!
Monday, May 20, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Tracey's Triangle: The House Sitter
House Sitting is hard
you have to learn all the new controllers.
you have to learn all the new controllers.
The On Side, The Off Side, and My Side
Monday, May 13, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Tracey's Triange: Pausibility
How good a movie is (when watching it at home, a movie theater being completely different) is directly related to the Pausibility Factor.
If you will sit through that movie without getting up at all, no matter how bad you have to pee/eat/drink/need a blanket it is a Damn Good Movie.
If you get a phone call or get up for something but pause it because you don't want to miss anything, It's a Pretty Good movie.
If you can get up and go to the kitchen for that drink and not pause it but are able to hear it or have a companion relay the important plot points or cook dinner in intervals of stirring whatever is on the stove but run in and watch when things sound pertinent, and if any sed task takes more than 60 secs between task and viewing the screen you'll more than likely pause it, It's a OK Movie.
If you've invested this much time in it already and you just want to get it over with so you know how it ends. It's what I call an unpause movie. You willing do other things and purposefully not pause it. It's a... Movie. It just is.
Then you have the ones you turn off, or fast foward through, clearly a Bad Movie.
*Disclaimer this research is based on movies never seen before. If you've still seen the movie and have to pause it, it's the Best Goddamn Movie out there.
If you will sit through that movie without getting up at all, no matter how bad you have to pee/eat/drink/need a blanket it is a Damn Good Movie.
If you get a phone call or get up for something but pause it because you don't want to miss anything, It's a Pretty Good movie.
If you can get up and go to the kitchen for that drink and not pause it but are able to hear it or have a companion relay the important plot points or cook dinner in intervals of stirring whatever is on the stove but run in and watch when things sound pertinent, and if any sed task takes more than 60 secs between task and viewing the screen you'll more than likely pause it, It's a OK Movie.
If you've invested this much time in it already and you just want to get it over with so you know how it ends. It's what I call an unpause movie. You willing do other things and purposefully not pause it. It's a... Movie. It just is.
Then you have the ones you turn off, or fast foward through, clearly a Bad Movie.
*Disclaimer this research is based on movies never seen before. If you've still seen the movie and have to pause it, it's the Best Goddamn Movie out there.
Tracey's Triangle, It's like a corner but with a T
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Tracey's Triangle: Spring Series
So we've been busy and haven't updated as much as we've should, but that's ok.
Are you enjoying the enjoyable weather as much as we have?
Are you enjoying the enjoyable weather as much as we have?
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Tracey's Triangle: To eat or not to eat.
How stale something is directly related to how hungry/drunk/poor you are.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Danni's Doorstep: The Little Things are the Big Things
Below is my long reflection of this past weekend including the bombings at the marathon. The events that occurred helped to put a lot of things in perspective.
April 17, 2013
Patriot's Day - Marathon Monday
I had just gotten back home from a weekend away at a friend's wedding and I was telling Tracey of my stories of NC. We decided to go on an adventure and go letter-boxing that afternoon. I had never been and it was kind of awesome. I realized that it was something that I would probably want to do again and I was going to need my own stamp. We decided that a trip to Walmart was in order.
We pulled into the parking lot around 2:50 p.m. We had been talking in the car so the radio wasn't on. As part of my "turning off the car" procedure, I pulled the emergency brake, turned off the heat/air conditioning, turned off the lights, and turned off the radio. Since the radio hadn't been on previously, this of course turned it on instead. My radio is generally on Mix 104.1, my favorite radio station, and since it was late afternoon, I wasn't surprised to hear Gregg, Sue, and Freddy filling the speakers of my car.
"We are just getting word that there have been two explosions in Boston...we'll continue to keep you posted as more information comes in" <-Paraphrased (2 days later it's hard to remember)
Tracey and I just looked at each other and said, "What does that mean?" A million things started to run through my head. Where in Boston? How big were the explosions? Was anyone hurt? Who do I know in Boston? Then Tracey broke me out of my inner thoughts by suggesting that we run into Walmart and get what we need so we can get back to the house to learn more.
Once back in the car we were horrified to learn more details of the bombing at the marathon. As we listened in shock, my earlier questions began to run through my head. How big were the explosions? How many people are hurt? Who do I know in Boston? plus the added Do I know of anyone running in the race?
The answer was yes there were people that I knew of (not personally) participating. There was Kennedy from the Mix 104.1 morning show, with the rest of the morning show waiting for her at the finish line. Of course there was also the Hoyt's, the famous, both locally and nationally, father/son team. As I started to drive home, I handed my phone to Tracey and told her to check my Twitter for news from Kennedy, Karson, Salt, or Mix 104.1 in general. I would have to find out about the Hoyt's once I got home and could check the tracker.
From Karson & Kennedy: "Thoughts are w/those caught up in this terrible tragedy at marathon. Kennedy is off the course & everyone from the show is safe & sound."
Knowing this, we rushed home to see the coverage with our own eyes. It was horrifying to watch, we immediately started to call friends and family to make sure they were okay. I texted Elle*, who works for a newspaper, in the hopes that she wasn't covering the marathon, as many reporters are located near the finish line. I texted a friend made at another friend's bridal shower because I knew she lived in Boston and many residents watch the race on their day off. Tracey was also in contact with 2nd3rd Roommate who is an avid runner and could have very well been at or in the race.
Luckily 2nd3rd Roommate was not running in the race, but she was in Boston, near the race. Elle was not covering the race and was at work elsewhere. My friend from the bridal shower was at work near the marathon, but her building was evacuated and was currently with friends away from the marathon. While most people we know were no where near the race, this attack still feels so close to home. Maybe because it's Boston. It's my city, where I've spent so much time. Where my favorite sports teams play. Where I say I'm from, when I travel outside of New England.
Maybe it's because Boston is different from every other city. While sometimes, the impression is given that we are rude, we drink a lot, and we can't drive, we are also very loyal and not just to our sports teams, we a very caring, and very accepting community. I think all of this was very evident on Monday. From the people who opened their homes to strangers, to the runners who continued running to hospitals to give blood, to the bystanders who didn't run away and tried to help those around them. Boston maybe be a big city, but there is a "small town" family feel to it. We may yell when someone cuts us off on the highway, or tease you if you're wearing a Yankees jersey or hat, but when someone attack one of our own, we rally and stay strong for each other.
Lessons from this Weekend
Life is unpredictable and too short to worry about frivolous things and to not do what you love. What matters most are your friends and family, not the things you own or the amount of money you have. Most importantly it important to show compassion and caring to others especially when they are in need.I know that I will keep all of those affected by the attack in my thoughts and I hope you all do too.
*Name has been changed.
April 17, 2013
Patriot's Day - Marathon Monday
I had just gotten back home from a weekend away at a friend's wedding and I was telling Tracey of my stories of NC. We decided to go on an adventure and go letter-boxing that afternoon. I had never been and it was kind of awesome. I realized that it was something that I would probably want to do again and I was going to need my own stamp. We decided that a trip to Walmart was in order.
We pulled into the parking lot around 2:50 p.m. We had been talking in the car so the radio wasn't on. As part of my "turning off the car" procedure, I pulled the emergency brake, turned off the heat/air conditioning, turned off the lights, and turned off the radio. Since the radio hadn't been on previously, this of course turned it on instead. My radio is generally on Mix 104.1, my favorite radio station, and since it was late afternoon, I wasn't surprised to hear Gregg, Sue, and Freddy filling the speakers of my car.
"We are just getting word that there have been two explosions in Boston...we'll continue to keep you posted as more information comes in" <-Paraphrased (2 days later it's hard to remember)
Tracey and I just looked at each other and said, "What does that mean?" A million things started to run through my head. Where in Boston? How big were the explosions? Was anyone hurt? Who do I know in Boston? Then Tracey broke me out of my inner thoughts by suggesting that we run into Walmart and get what we need so we can get back to the house to learn more.
Once back in the car we were horrified to learn more details of the bombing at the marathon. As we listened in shock, my earlier questions began to run through my head. How big were the explosions? How many people are hurt? Who do I know in Boston? plus the added Do I know of anyone running in the race?
The answer was yes there were people that I knew of (not personally) participating. There was Kennedy from the Mix 104.1 morning show, with the rest of the morning show waiting for her at the finish line. Of course there was also the Hoyt's, the famous, both locally and nationally, father/son team. As I started to drive home, I handed my phone to Tracey and told her to check my Twitter for news from Kennedy, Karson, Salt, or Mix 104.1 in general. I would have to find out about the Hoyt's once I got home and could check the tracker.
From Karson & Kennedy: "Thoughts are w/those caught up in this terrible tragedy at marathon. Kennedy is off the course & everyone from the show is safe & sound."
Knowing this, we rushed home to see the coverage with our own eyes. It was horrifying to watch, we immediately started to call friends and family to make sure they were okay. I texted Elle*, who works for a newspaper, in the hopes that she wasn't covering the marathon, as many reporters are located near the finish line. I texted a friend made at another friend's bridal shower because I knew she lived in Boston and many residents watch the race on their day off. Tracey was also in contact with 2nd3rd Roommate who is an avid runner and could have very well been at or in the race.
Luckily 2nd3rd Roommate was not running in the race, but she was in Boston, near the race. Elle was not covering the race and was at work elsewhere. My friend from the bridal shower was at work near the marathon, but her building was evacuated and was currently with friends away from the marathon. While most people we know were no where near the race, this attack still feels so close to home. Maybe because it's Boston. It's my city, where I've spent so much time. Where my favorite sports teams play. Where I say I'm from, when I travel outside of New England.
Maybe it's because Boston is different from every other city. While sometimes, the impression is given that we are rude, we drink a lot, and we can't drive, we are also very loyal and not just to our sports teams, we a very caring, and very accepting community. I think all of this was very evident on Monday. From the people who opened their homes to strangers, to the runners who continued running to hospitals to give blood, to the bystanders who didn't run away and tried to help those around them. Boston maybe be a big city, but there is a "small town" family feel to it. We may yell when someone cuts us off on the highway, or tease you if you're wearing a Yankees jersey or hat, but when someone attack one of our own, we rally and stay strong for each other.
Lessons from this Weekend
Life is unpredictable and too short to worry about frivolous things and to not do what you love. What matters most are your friends and family, not the things you own or the amount of money you have. Most importantly it important to show compassion and caring to others especially when they are in need.I know that I will keep all of those affected by the attack in my thoughts and I hope you all do too.
*Name has been changed.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Ms Cleo knows all: On the Up and Up
The Story of UP Lovers of the English language might enjoy this.....How do non-natives ever learn all the nuances of the word, English??? It is listed in the dictionary as being an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v]. There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is "UP." It is listed in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v]. It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir up trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. And this up is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP .. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so.... Time to shut UP......! Oh...one more thing:! What is the first thing you do in the morning
& the last thing you do at night? U P
Monday, April 15, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
Convo Convoy: Dissecting Dinner
after Danni making a really amazing chicken parm dinner
Tracey: The bread is really good.
Danni: I'm really glad that the part that came out of a can was good.
Tracey: The bread is really good.
Danni: I'm really glad that the part that came out of a can was good.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Convo Convoy: Tracey Being Tracey
Danni to Tracey: There you go being weird again. Talking to the cosmos and doing I've a little teapot in the parking lot.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Danni's Doorstep: Leave a message..BEEP
Tracey's voicemail message:
"Hi! You've reached Tracey's cell...You know what to do!...After the tone, please record you message. When you finish recording hang up or press pound for more options"
When I call...
"Hi! You've reached Tracey's cell...You know what to do!..." ::HANG UP::
...because I know she's not going to check it.
"Hi! You've reached Tracey's cell...You know what to do!...After the tone, please record you message. When you finish recording hang up or press pound for more options"
When I call...
"Hi! You've reached Tracey's cell...You know what to do!..." ::HANG UP::
...because I know she's not going to check it.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
The Funnies: workplace worldview.
Coworker 1: I couldn't believe how much I was enjoying a cartoon.
Coworker 2: Yeah, you know Sometimes you need to take a step back, get out a coloring book, and color.
*I think these are words to live by.
If life gets too stressful, Take a step back and color.
Coworker 2: Yeah, you know Sometimes you need to take a step back, get out a coloring book, and color.
*I think these are words to live by.
If life gets too stressful, Take a step back and color.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Convo Convoy: Superbowl Sunday Snow
Tracey: Look at these perfect snowflakes.
Danni: They are, look at them!...I love that snowflakes are actually shaped like snowflakes.
Tracey: Why, because you're sad that hearts aren't actually shaped like hearts?.
Danni: Yes...(said dejectedly and a little embarassed)
Danni: They are, look at them!...I love that snowflakes are actually shaped like snowflakes.
Tracey: Why, because you're sad that hearts aren't actually shaped like hearts?.
Danni: Yes...(said dejectedly and a little embarassed)
Friday, March 29, 2013
Convo Convoy: Mens Wearhouse
This conversation is proof that I am my father's daughter...(see Charlie's Angels)
My dad was telling me a story about my brother trying to find a specific type of suit.
Dad: Well I told him to go to that place.
Danni: What place dad?
Dad: That warehouse that sells men's suits. Oh, what's the name of that place?
Danni: You mean Men's Wearhouse?
Dad: Yeah! That's it!
...Like Father, Like Daughter.
My dad was telling me a story about my brother trying to find a specific type of suit.
Dad: Well I told him to go to that place.
Danni: What place dad?
Dad: That warehouse that sells men's suits. Oh, what's the name of that place?
Danni: You mean Men's Wearhouse?
Dad: Yeah! That's it!
...Like Father, Like Daughter.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Convo Convoy: Pringles
After drinking Diet Coke or any soda for that matter, Tracey, like most people, gets the hiccups.
After a particularly vocal round of hiccups:
Tracey: ::hiccups::
Danni looks over
Tracey: I'm sorry once I start I can't stop!
Danni: It's like Pringles....Once you pop, you can't stop!
After a particularly vocal round of hiccups:
Tracey: ::hiccups::
Danni looks over
Tracey: I'm sorry once I start I can't stop!
Danni: It's like Pringles....Once you pop, you can't stop!
Friday, March 22, 2013
Things that need to be shared: Friends
How I Met Your Mother is the Friends of our generation. Period.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Convo Convoy: Pope and Potter
Tracey: I think they close and seal the doors for the conclave because they're actually hiding a goblet of fire.
Everyday they put a new name in. If the smoke turns black they're not chosen.
If it is white, they're the new pope.
boom.
mystery solved.
Everyday they put a new name in. If the smoke turns black they're not chosen.
If it is white, they're the new pope.
boom.
mystery solved.
Monday, March 11, 2013
100 Hundred Posts! Woo!
In honor of 100 posts (this actually happened like a month ago, but procrastination is my middle name!) we filmed a video of Miss Cleo!
Note: We had her out there for a grand total of 2 minutes. She is an indoor cat but actually does like going outside and she doesn't mind the cold. One of her favorite spots to sit all day in next to the freezing cold window watching everybody out side.
I'm pretty sure it's here dream to be an outdoor cat but her love of being fed and laser pointers keep her inside.
Note: We had her out there for a grand total of 2 minutes. She is an indoor cat but actually does like going outside and she doesn't mind the cold. One of her favorite spots to sit all day in next to the freezing cold window watching everybody out side.
I'm pretty sure it's here dream to be an outdoor cat but her love of being fed and laser pointers keep her inside.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Ms. Cleo knows all: Impossibilies
IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
put your tongue back in fool.10 Things I know about you...
1. You are reading this.
2. You are human.
3. You can't say the letter "P" without separating your lips.
4. You just attempted to do it.
6. You are laughing at yourself.
7. You have a smile on your face and you skipped No.5.
8. You just checked to see if there is a No.5.
9. You laugh at this because you're an idiot.
10. You will share this knowing others will fall for it.
11. Just a reminder that there were only 9 things I knew about you.
12. Now you're counting the things again, and that makes 10 things I know about you
- You can't count your hair.
- You can't wash your eyes with soap.
- You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
put your tongue back in fool.10 Things I know about you...
1. You are reading this.
2. You are human.
3. You can't say the letter "P" without separating your lips.
4. You just attempted to do it.
6. You are laughing at yourself.
7. You have a smile on your face and you skipped No.5.
8. You just checked to see if there is a No.5.
9. You laugh at this because you're an idiot.
10. You will share this knowing others will fall for it.
11. Just a reminder that there were only 9 things I knew about you.
12. Now you're counting the things again, and that makes 10 things I know about you
Saturday, March 9, 2013
The Funnies: Food Choices - Then and Now
A blog post from Hello Giggles by Abby Diaz
If you are what you eat, then I’m old because I eat Brussels sprouts. And I love every cruciferous bite.There are various short-cuts for determining whether you, or someone you love, is Of A Certain Age. Presence on social media, familiarity with paperback books, ability to name at least two Taylor Swift exes, an opinion on rent-versus-buy. Lines of demarcation are lurking in every smart phone, website, and bank statement.
Those lines also make an appearance on your grocery list and dinner plate.
Remember when anything excessively crunchy, bitter or gelatinous made you run in the opposite direction of whatever cutlery it was being offered up on? Remember when a solid lunch consisted of peanut butter, a side of Doritos and a diet Coke? Remember when the only fish you liked was red and Swedish?
If you’re nodding your head here, then you, too, are Of A Certain Age. Because all that ”remembering when” hearkens back to the days when you ate food simply because it tasted good and you wanted to eat it, potential for bodily toxification notwithstanding. The more unnatural the coloring, the more artificial the flavoring, the better.
But now you’ve crossed over into adulthood, and there’s no going back. Now, not only do you avoid the color Neon Orange in your food, but you embrace all those vegetables that you used to consider forms of punishment. Now, you want your food to have more fiber and less trans fats, more protein and less sugar, more vitamins and less gluten.
If you want to know the warning signs of being a “grown up”, read on. I’ve listed the tell-tale attitude changes about certain foods that confirm whether you, too, need reading glasses and a cat. Just remember, as you read, that it’s all going to be okay.
1. Brussels sprouts.
This single food item may be the easiest way to separate the adults’ table from the kids’ one. Brussels sprouts are mini-cabbages the color of faded broccoli, which is a union of the most horrifying aspects of the produce aisle a kindergartner could identify. Every movie rated PG and under includes a scene where Tommy isn’t allowed to get up from the dinner table until he eats his Brussels sprouts, which Tommy surreptitiously feeds to the unsuspecting dog, who dies when his gag reflex goes on the fritz.
But somewhere around your first graduate degree, you’ll start paying attention when the magazines exclaim over the phyto-chemical compounds overflowing in b.sprouts. You’ll start showing your wild side by ordering sauteed b-routs when you’re out to dinner. And you’ll start marveling at what a little olive oil and sea salt can do to cauliflower’s cousin.
2. Beets.
Beets are hard to prepare and they stain everything a vibrant purple hue. Ask the teenager sitting next to you why this may be so, and he or she will tell you it’s because beets should never be touched, much less eaten. He or she will then roll his or her eyes.
But then you’ll be training for your first marathon, and someone will tell you that you should replace your Gatorade with beet juice. Because it is a good source of Vitamin C, Iron and Magnesium! You will do it, you will love it, and you will start bee-lining for the beets at the Whole Foods salad bar.
3. Dark Chocolate.
If you give a mouse a piece of dark chocolate, that mouse will leave your house immediately and go look for the happy home that has cookies in the pantry. That’s because mice boast the same dessert palate as humans who are too young to vote. Both species consider dark chocolate to be a cruel (and bitter) joke.
But then you’ll be working late at the office one night and you’ll be tired and bored and depressed about your career prospects and you’ll be dying to indulge in some emotional eating. You’ll catch yourself, though, and remember you only eat things drowning in antioxidants. So you’ll try one square of a Hershey’s Special Dark Chocolate bar, and you’ll weep tears of equal parts joy and relief. Then you’ll eat the entire bar.
4. Green Tea.
Starbucks drinkers who are not yet of legal age buy drinks like mochaccinos and frappuccinos and whipped cream in a cup. Offer them a green tea, and they’ll wonder why you used a juicer to squeeze liquid out of grass.
But some day you’ll decide that you want to take preemptive measures against cancer and heart disease, and you’ll decide there’s no tastier way to do that than with a nice warm cup of steaming lawn cuttings.
5. Coffee.
Those young Starbucks drinkers with the mochaccinos? They like those coffee smoothies because they don’t taste like coffee. They taste like sugar.
But some morning you’ll wake up for the fourth time, having awoken three times already to quiet your newborn and switch the laundry, and you’ll realize that you have two options for doing what biologists call “waking up”: cocaine or coffee. Not being the law-breaking type, you’ll reach for your Keurig and you’ll kiss it. You’ll take the biting black bile that lands in your mug, you’ll breathe it in, and you’ll weep tears of equal parts joy and relief.
6. Leafy Greens.
If you’re of prom-going age, leafy greens are the things that surround the flower part of your corsage. Kale, spinach and other lettuces are the things that get stuck in your braces.
But some day you’ll find yourself struggling to zip your maternity jeans, and you’ll realize your potato-chip-eating days are behind you. You’ll go on Pinterest and see other pinners getting really excited about making “chips” out of kale or spinach leaves. You’ll spend the rest of your life insisting to yourself and anyone else who will listen that it’s an even trade.
7. Miscellaneous.
If you’ve struggled to self-identify at this point, allow me to put a few final options in front of you.
Yogurt: before, it looked like what happens when you sneeze; now, it looks like a bowl of delicious probiotics.
Salmon: before, you thought it was over-sized cat food; now, you think “three thumbs up for omega-3s!”
Oatmeal: before, you associated it with orphanages; now, you associate it with low cholesterol.
Eggs: before, you used eggs to, well, egg people; now, you use eggs for a cheap source of protein.
Water: before, it was for swimming in; now, it’s for drinking…all the time…exclusively…maybe with a lemon.
If you need further assistance determining whether your food proves that you’re an adult, I’d be happy to share further insights over a nice glass of Kombucha or a plate of oysters. Also, let me know if I’ve missed something. I forgot to take my flaxseed supplement so my memory is lagging.
Labels:
adult,
broccoli,
Brussels sprouts,
chocolate,
coffee,
eating,
food,
grown up,
health,
kale,
kids,
of a certain age
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Convo Convoy: Hi Angels
Danni: Whos that other guy in Charlie's Angels
Tracey: Umm Bosley?
Danni: No the other guy.
Tracey: ... Charlie?
Danni: Yes
Tracey: Umm Bosley?
Danni: No the other guy.
Tracey: ... Charlie?
Danni: Yes
Monday, March 4, 2013
Things that need to be shared: 3000
We've reached 3000 views!!!
Thanks to everyone who read the blog.! We hope that you enjoy the shenanigans that are our lives.
My outlook on life:
Labels:
3000,
adults,
blog,
eh,
growing up,
hard,
life,
live from casa de awesome,
views
Tracey's Triangle: Burning Buttons
Best thing:
Putting on warm clothes out of the dryer on a cold day
Worst thing:
Putting on warm clothes out of the dryer on a hot day
Even worse thing:
Burning yourself on the hot button and zipper of your jeans.
Remedy: I've put clothes in the freezer before I've put them on before. Just sayin'.
Putting on warm clothes out of the dryer on a cold day
Worst thing:
Putting on warm clothes out of the dryer on a hot day
Even worse thing:
Burning yourself on the hot button and zipper of your jeans.
Remedy: I've put clothes in the freezer before I've put them on before. Just sayin'.
The Best Side, The Worse Side, and My Side.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Things that need to be Shared: Sorting Hat (Earmuffs)
I don't really care what house I get sorted into because-
Gryffindor: I’m a fucking hero.
Slytherin: I’m fucking badass.
Ravenclaw: I’m smart as fuck.
Hufflepuff: My dorm is near the kitchen.
JK Hufflepuff we love you, you're exceptionally good finders.
Gryffindor: I’m a fucking hero.
Ravenclaw: I’m smart as fuck.
Hufflepuff: My dorm is near the kitchen.
JK Hufflepuff we love you, you're exceptionally good finders.
There's no way we're losing to Slytherin, Ravenclaw or Jigglypuff.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Convo Convoy: It's time to get a gun
Danni and Tracey get into Danni’s car.
Tracey: in a very conspicuous mannor opens and then shuts the glove compartment
Danni: What are you looking for?
Tracey: Your gun.
Danni: Sorry it’s in my other car. Buckles, starts the car and backs half way out of the spot only to stop very short. Wait what were you really looking for?
Tracey: in a very conspicuous mannor opens and then shuts the glove compartment
Danni: What are you looking for?
Tracey: Your gun.
Danni: Sorry it’s in my other car. Buckles, starts the car and backs half way out of the spot only to stop very short. Wait what were you really looking for?
Friday, February 22, 2013
Surf and Turf: It tastes like a balloon
You ask your friends who does that guy [Christian Borle]
look like?
They have a couple suggestions, but just not the right one.
So who do you turn to?
It's like Magic,
you type something like this:
comedic actor, tall, big nose, pronounced adam's apple, high hair, talks like kermit and kinda looks like the guy from smash
into google. And we find him: Ernie Grunwald
That's right people, I was thinking of Harry Butkis from It Take Two
look like?
They have a couple suggestions, but just not the right one.
So who do you turn to?
It's like Magic,
you type something like this:
comedic actor, tall, big nose, pronounced adam's apple, high hair, talks like kermit and kinda looks like the guy from smash
into google. And we find him: Ernie Grunwald
That's right people, I was thinking of Harry Butkis from It Take Two
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